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Air Hockey

by Air Hockey

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1.
Overtime 01:40
"I think it's for the best" are words that are rarely wrong or ever regretted. Your knees are on the tile. Your hand is on the towel rack. My hands are working overtime to hold your hair back. Two weeks ago you were 22 screaming, "Why are those days so far gone? Whose hand forces us to move on?"
2.
Striker 00:34
Striker to matches; matches to bridges. I could write your name on every wall of Fountain Square. You wouldn't care because yesterday is yesterday, and that's how it will stay.
3.
Collecting 00:55
I don't want to be anything at all. Can't I just wait here and collect my thoughts like souvenirs to the places I've never been? I don't want to be anywhere at all Can't I just wait here collecting dust like books we've read, but we'll never read again. I don't want to be alone. I don't want to talk about it. Leave me alone. I feel surrounded. I don't want to be alone. I don't want to talk about it. Lay your head on my chest. I'm fine. Go back to sleep.
4.
You make the biggest plans as if it's what you deserve, but you whisper "tomorrow" as if it's a curse word, and you see the ending without moving your restless feet, and seem so confused when everyone decides to leave. You forgot how to swim and expect them to go underneath. Can I make a suggestion? Don't turn your back on a lion, and keep your ears open when everything's quiet. That's when it matters most, right before the whole thing blows. You don't want to be the only one who didn't see it coming right when it matters most. You make the biggest plans. You shoot arrows at the sun, but you drink until morning like you're waiting for someone. Do you think life is endless? A big sky that we live in? Or some ocean you float in with no destination? The one who is never lost is the one with the compass. Right when it matters most. When you're desperate and all alone Saying, "I didn't sign up for this. Goodbye. I'm going fucking home." That's when it matters most, right before the whole thing blows You don't want to be the only one who didn't see it coming. I see it coming.
5.
I've never had much trust in the intentions of others or myself, but aren't you something else. Gullible and innocent, You'd believe in anything if it gave you purpose or a story of redemption. Cynical and arrogant, They will tell you anything if you let them. Please, don't listen.
6.
It feels like a carousel. It used to be a hurricane. We all adapt. We breathe from our stomachs screaming, "oh, no no no no no no no no" until we know enough to make it. It's enough to make you sick. You don't want/need/feel/mean anything now. Round and round the ups and downs The "where I've been" and "what I've fucking done" Is it enough? A fifth or what? A gallon is enough to make me nervous. The downs the ups. The shitty luck. The hole between the sun and my bed. It's all okay. I'm used to it. It doesn't even make me nervous. It used to be a hurricane. Now, it's just a carousel.
7.
Marionettes 01:13
You know it's been a while since you have been honest with all of the images displayed inside that miserable head, but it won't make a difference. You'll have to live with them. Who knows? Maybe tomorrow the shades of the colors will brighten and grow into all of the places we always wanted to go. Stop waiting for change, and start cutting the strings. We're not marionettes. You're dancing in step. You're a marionette.
8.
I was maybe eleven. My blood was on the asphalt because I was smaller than some kid at the bus stop. That's when I remembered what my brother told me, "If you don't swing back, then you're bleeding for nothing." So I swung and I swung until my knuckles went numb, but when I came to, I hated what I had done. I swung and I swung until my knuckles went numb. All the victim ever wants is their hand on the gun.
9.
A Major Key 00:53
Eye contact is easy in the mirror. Speaking up is simple when you're wasted. I wish all my regrets came from overconfidence. One can only dream. For now, I want to make believe, like sad songs in a major key, that there is comfort and beauty in even the worst of things.
10.
I'd love to tell you, "We're in the clear, and this gets easier with every day," but you'd know that I'm full of shit when every morning's hit or miss, and some days you'll love me, and other days you'll loath me, and you'll start smashing things against the walls again, and you will dream of me drowning by your hands in a lake, and that's okay. No one needs to know. I won't tell a soul. I will be the pillow that you scream into, or the one that you punch until you pass out. You can break my legs and roll my off a mountain top. I will climb back up with my hands.

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released March 11, 2014

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Air Hockey Indianapolis, Indiana

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